I have no idea what I enjoy.

I get interested in things. I get engrossed in things, sometimes. But it's all so fleeting – what I'm interested in today typically isn't what I was interested in two weeks ago – and I honestly can't remember the last time I felt like I was having fun. (Maybe during weekend TTRPG sessions? I do like being social with my friends.)

I used to enjoy things. And I think I know why I subconsciously don't let myself anymore. It's a confluence of the way I felt like I needed to react to life events and social pressures – having other people expect me to be The Grown-Up as soon as I had a kid meant that I was supposed to "put away childish things"; being desperately poor and socially-isolated meant that I didn't get to have the experiences that other people my age got to have; being a single parent and having my kid expect me to drop what I was doing so he could do it meant that I wasn't allowed to get too invested in anything; being a moderator and an administrator of a social media site meant that I wasn't allowed to express too strong an opinion or it would reflect back on my users; having people online mock anything they didn't understand meant that I had to make myself as neutral as possible so I didn't get attacked for my interests.

But now I can't figure out how to get back into a space where I can have fun.