But what do I want?

I've had a lot of cause lately to think about what I really want to be doing. In a few weeks, my job position is changing (although my job title isn't; it's kind of an odd situation). While I keep thinking I'm going to enjoy the new job less than my current job, honestly, the truth is that I'm probably going to enjoy the new job less than what my current job is supposed to be, but the new job is also the thing I'm actually doing most of the time anyway, so there isn't actually a lot that's going to change in my day-to-day life except the people I'm working with. (And I'll still get to work with my old team – I just won't be a team member anymore.)

In theory, the new job gets me closer to where I thought I wanted to be as a professional. But as I've thought about moving over to the new team (and it is a new team – not just to me, I'm a founding member), I've realized that I'm not entirely clear on what it is I want to actually be doing. This is both frustrating to me and unfair to the people I've asked for guidance!

(Also, the more I think about it, the more I realize that what I'm saying I want to do boils down to "...but what I really want to do is direct".)

So I've been taking some time to think about my actual goals as a software professional. Where do I want to be in five years? What kind of legacy do I want to have among the people I work with, and what kinds of things do I want to learn along the way? I'm not ready to share the results yet, but ... honestly, this is the kind of long-term thinking I've always been bad at. (I tend to answer "where do you see yourself in five years?" with "I might get hit by a car tomorrow, so I have no idea". I know that's a bad answer, but I really do have trouble looking more than a few months out, especially given The Vampire.)

Watch this space, though. Hopefully I'll have some answers soon.

Today I'm expressing gratitude for:

• Insurance that keeps paying for medication even when they complain about paying for anything else
• My work planner, which has done more than anything to keep me organized during work hours
• The unbearable luxury of sleeping in an extra hour this morning because I knew I'd have to be at work at least an hour later than usual so I could start late
• The rumble of thunder and the soft patter of rain
• The local recycling center, which is open 22 hours a day (they close from 7-9 to empty the bins)